It's a tale as old as time. You meet someone, your heart begins to race, and suddenly, you find yourself dreaming about the future. Before you start planning your dream wedding together, you need to take a step back. The great thing about love is that your reality can exceed your wildest fantasies. In your haste to meet the one, make sure that you don't end up making a fool of yourself. There are plenty of reasons to take your time in a relationship by playing it cool.
1. It's a noncommittal way to find out if the other person is interested
Meet-cutes make for a great story, but they rarely happen. If finding love was as easy as bumping into someone at Starbucks, then Howard Schultz would be the richest man in the world. But the more we grow up, the more we realize how elusive true love can be.
It's very easy to misread signs when you're in constant pursuit of love, so take the time to find out if the other person is as interested as you by playing hard to get.
- Make them work for it
- Be coy about your intentions
- When you do get together, it will be all the more gratifying
2. You won't come off clingy or desperate
A big reason why playing it cool is so widely encouraged is because being too clingy or available is a red flag. Coming on too strong at the early stages of a relationship will drive the other person away. It reeks of desperation and dependence. Your significant other can interpret your clinginess in a thousand different ways -- and none of them are good. No one wants to be their partner's crutch for survival.
There is a line between showing enthusiasm and coming across as creepy, between being vulnerable and oversharing, between offering support and interfering. Learn to tow that line.
3. You'll maintain your sense of independence
A situation seen way too often is meeting someone and instantly intertwining lives. Their friends become your friends. Their likes become your likes. Most people bend over backwards to make a relationship work, but it isn't healthy to give away too much ground immediately... especially at the earlier stages of a relationship. This time is about finding your way together as well as discovering who the other person is. Holding yourself back a bit at this stage is crucial for improving the long-term prospects of your relationship.
WARNING: Playing it cool can backfire
Sure, playing it cool is a time-tested strategy, but even the most robust of strategies can backfire. While you are playing it cool, make sure your aloofness is not interpreted as disinterest by your beloved. Taking time to answer texts is fine but answering texts a day later can be very off-putting. Another huge turnoff is flirting with other people in their presence. There is a certain extent to which you can play it cool, after which you start coming across as someone you are not, and that can be very exhausting. Also, your signals tend to get mixed up when you are playing it cool, and this can hurt your relationship down the line.
As you can see, playing it cool has its benefits but its pitfalls too. While you are playing it cool, be aware of the rules and stick to them. Don't end up becoming something you are not. No one is worth that!