Women often complain that men disregard red flags when it comes to flirting, but it's easy to confuse or misconstrue behavioral cues. We often miss opportunities by giving in to self-doubt and fear of rejection.
"Young men just find it difficult to tell the difference between women who are being friendly and women who are interested in something more," explains Coreen Farris of Indiana University's Department of Psychological and Brain Sciences.
A study from the National Institute of Mental Health in 2008 found that 70% of college aged women experienced a situation where a man didn't "get the message" and mistook her friendliness as a come-in. So how can you decipher a (sometimes imperceptible) hint from politeness? Search for a pattern. Does she demonstrate more than one of the following habits?
1. She's calm but restless
She fidgets. She giggles while playing with her hair. She blushes and avoids eye contact every time you compliment her. If she's relaxed but excitable, then she's engaged. An inconspicuous flirt actively changes her demeanor in your presence. Her body language will display nervousness but not an overwhelming amount. She jokes around more, laughs at everything you say, or clams up totally. Is she aloof? Skittish? Unless a woman exhibits both ends of the spectrum, she is not flirting with you. If she appears too nonchalant, you might already be in the friend zone.
2. She faces you
Unlike conversation, most people cannot fake interest with their nonverbal communication. We are not that self-aware. As a result, you have clear insight into the other person's feelings. If she faces away, her mind is elsewhere. Receptive posturing indicates safety, so check the position of her torso and extremities. Mimicry in body language also tells you she's responding well to the interaction. She may grab her drink when you stir yours or cross her legs immediately after you do. This is called the mirror effect, and it develops an subconscious connection. Mirroring is so successful that politicians use it to establish authenticity and rapport with the public.
"We tend to like people who imitate us-as long as we don't notice that they're doing it," says Chris Frith, an emeritus professor of neuropsychology at University College London.
3. She moves closer
The movement may be subtle like shifting her chair or leaning across the table. She might also eliminate the space between you. Is her purse on the side of her body instead of in front of her? Has she put her smartphone away? Not only does this allow the migration to continue, but the removal of the barrier signifies trust. There's power in vulnerability; she won't risk opening herself up to a man she doesn't want to get to know. If a woman gradually drifts away from you, let her. She's intimidated, uncomfortable, or simply not that into to you.
4. She accidentally touches you
Her hand brushes against yours. Your elbows graze. She wipes an eyelash off your face. A single instance may be accidental, but repeated touching is deliberate. Women are very conscious of bodily contact, so this is a major giveaway in the right context... meaning if you're in a crowded room, it might not mean anything more than that. Always be conscious of her consent. Avoid undesirable advances by letting her initiate.
5. She makes eye contact
Eye contact, the universal sign of attraction, is the most over-looked clue. When a woman holds your gaze while smiling, she is flirting with you. Prolonged looks mean she's captivated by you. Similarly, if you notice a sexy stranger continuously in your line of sight, it's not a coincidence. She's purposefully placing herself there. Do you continuously catch her glancing in your direction? This suggests she's shy and wants you to break the ice. What are you waiting for?