Everyone suffers from dry spells and relationship failure, and this may cause you to believe you're meant to be alone. You're at a crossroad: being picky and single or accepting less than what you deserve. Settling does not always look the same; the other person may not do anything wrong. If they treat you with respect, and it still doesn't feel right, it doesn't necessarily mean you're shallow.
There's a fine line between liking someone and loving them. Don't rush into a situation where you merely grin and bear it. Your worth should not be defined by your ability to hold a mate.
Do you share everything with your significant other, or do you turn elsewhere? Is your heart still hurting from your last liaison? Are you insecure about your current romantic situation? Everyone deserves honesty and appreciation, so don't endure an unbalanced relationship that will never turn into love.
Here are nine red flags to look out for.
1. When you have good (or bad) news, your partner is the last to know
People tend to reach out in order of importance when they have big announcements. In certain situations, it makes sense to tell a parent or best friend first, but have you repeatedly glossed over your partner? A relationship will deteriorate under this sort of disconnect; successful love requires a compassionate bond. Couples who don't celebrate accomplishments together tend to also display chronic unhappiness.
2. You refrain from introducing them to friends and family
The isolation is intentional whether you realize it or not. It compartmentalizes that part of your life, and you never have to discuss the "boyfriend/girlfriend" terminology. Excuses stemming from embarrassment or importune timing mask the underlying issue. When you don't insert them into that part of your life, you sabotage the future. Unless you integrate the two, you have one foot perpetually out the door.
3. You're tired of being single
Forget this stigma! Once you embrace being alone instead of surrendering to loneliness, you'll realize it's better to wait. Establish standards and work through your insecurity. Improve yourself and grow the areas of your life that will attract the person of your dreams. Focus on who rather than what you are looking for.
4. You neglect your partner's needs or wants
You cancel plans often, because you would rather hang out with other people. You shudder thinking about the effort it will take to interact. When you act more like strangers than lovers, you're enacting a self-fulfilling prophecy. Even famous celebrities with excessively busy schedules make time to see their significant others. The more you pull away, the more you become emotionally detached, and it's unfair to string them along.
5. You never freely express your opinions
Withholding your authentic self stunts the relationship and stops you from intellectual, emotional, and even sexual fulfillment. Your partner should laugh with you and share a similar sense of humor. If you know that your personal goals diverge greatly and will eventually lead to splitsville, stop compromising who you are for temporary relief. The right partner would never ask that of you.
6. You justify the relationship
Explaining why you chose to engage with your partner means you've been questioning it yourself. Making excuses - even for minor differences in opinion – is a red flag. People disagree sometimes. You shouldn't need to convince yourself or others why you're together. Evaluate your compatibility rather than the other person's integrity. They might be good – just not good for you.
7. You tolerate (rather than appreciate) your partner's quirks
You constantly criticize or try to change them. If you're happy, you'll find these traits endearing (or irksome, but charmingly so). When the irritation turns to resentment, you've hit the end of the road. It's not healthy to bottle up those emotions. It's also not fair to date someone for the potential you think you see. They may evolve, but it's important that the growth comes from within and not from your provocation.
8. You focus on the flaws
You compare your partner to friends' significant others. You experience jealousy every time you witness other couples. Eventually these observations will lead to believe you aren't entitled to more than what you have. You'll start feeling trapped and suffocated by circumstances you created. If you notice yourself frequently measuring you or your partner's value in contrast to those around you, break it off.
9. It's convenient
Complacency is your enemy. Like any long-term project, it's hard to abandon someone you invested time and energy on. It takes work to build that kind of rapport, to open up, to establish that level of comfort. It's a safety blanket that offers emotional, financial, or physical support. Are you tied more to the commitment than to the person? Are you going through the motions without being present in the moment? Maybe you fear friends taking sides, or you fear the unknown (see #3). Living in denial breeds depression, and you're only cheating yourself out of real love.