My close friend recently told me that he couldn't see a future with the woman he has been dating for over two years. The sad truth is that many of us have been with a person who wasn't quite right for us -- either you constantly argue, or you realize your partner isn't who you think they are. If you're not compatible, it's time to end things.
Long-term relationships can oftentimes come to a point where one or both partners feel stuck or as if they don't see a future with their companion. At this stage, a difficult decision must be made as to whether you should remain in the relationship.
Ending a long-term relationship is difficult to do without hurting your partner. Here are some tips to help you end a long-term relationship effectively.
Talk to your partner
Communication is crucial for long-term relationships. Before ending things, it's important to talk to your partner about the way you feel. People handle relationships at different speeds, so find out whether you're on the same page. Perhaps you think that the relationship is moving too fast or that you should feel closer to your partner at this stage of companionship.
No matter what the problem is, you should talk to your partner about the way you feel.
Communicate effectively
It's impossible for your partner to read your mind. Ask yourself if you have been communicating effectively to your partner about your needs.
Communicate why you don't feel like things are working out. It can be hard to be confrontational about your feelings, but don't expect them to be fully aware of your emotions when you just give hints and refuse to have a discussion.
It's important to be clear and open.
Tell your partner as soon as possible
Once you have made the difficult decision to end the relationship, you should tell your partner as soon as possible. You may feel an urge to avoid or delay the break-up, because it's awkward or difficult to do. Staying with your partner after you know you want to leave them, however, is unfair to both of you.
Maybe there are other things preventing you from breaking up. It's possible for extraneous circumstances to prevent you from ending things promptly. For example, if your partner recently got sick and is in the hospital, it's not a good decision to end things while they're unavailable. Pick a suitable occasion that considers the timing of the situation.
Protect your partner's dignity
In long-term relationships, you often give all of yourself to your partner. In return, you receive all of them. You owe them the respect of breaking up in a way that protects their dignity.
Common things you shouldn't do include:
- Ghost them: Never leave your partner side blinded and without closure. Ghosting is one of the most immature and hurtful ways to break up with someone.
- Blame them: Assume equal responsibility for the reasons why the relationship didn't work out.
- Make excuses or lie: You owe it to your partner to be honest. Yes, they're going to be hurt, but they'll hurt more if you lie to them.
- Keep them "on the hook": If you really don't think you'll never be with this person ever again, don't give them false hope that you could possibly get back together. That only leads to more confusion and pain for everyone involved.
- Choose somewhere public: This may be obvious, but break up in private. Otherwise, it's humiliating for everyone involved.
Make a clean break and allow grieving time
No matter who initiated the break up, both parties are impacted heavily at the end of a long-term relationship. Making a clean break and allowing time to grieve is important for a healthy and effective break-up.
Losing someone who was a significant part of your life is painful for both parties, and you may feel yourself reminiscing about your ex-partner. These feelings are normal, but you should think hard about if you should act on it. Starting things up again can just lead to more pain.
Give your ex-partner space and time to heal as well as time for yourself to learn from the relationship is important for healing and closure.