Every relationship has its share of ups and downs. There are happy days and then some bad days too. However, in some cases, the negative aspects overpower the positive ones causing prolonged state of unhappiness. If you relate to this feeling, you might be in a toxic relationship.
To deal with a toxic relationship, you must identify the red flags and act on them before it's too late. If you are not sure about the signs, read on to find out what happens in a toxic relationship and how to deal with it.
What is a toxic relationship?
A toxic relationship is the one that makes you feel anxious, uncomfortable and dissatisfied almost all the time. In such a relationship, you are constantly worried about making mistakes and experience a lot of negative emotions. It drains out your positive energy and leaves you emotionally exhausted, or even depressed.
Signs of a toxic relationship
1. Feeling of jealousy
When two people in a relationship compete instead of supporting each other, it’s a sign of toxic behavior. You and your partner must feel proud of each other’s achievements and celebrate the crucial milestones. If either of you feels jealous, it’s time to introspect and have a conversation about it. Even if you both belong to the same field, there’s no place for envy in a healthy relationship.
2. Avoiding confrontation
When something goes wrong between the two of you, the first thing to do is talk about it. The unwillingness to confront and pretending that things are fine is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. Ideally, you must feel comfortable with your partner in discussing the differences and freely stand for your beliefs. If you think they did something wrong, you must point it out in a polite way. Avoiding confrontation will only mean that you will be needed to make more and more compromises in the future.
3. Deceitful lies
If either of you is constantly lying to the other, something is not right. Whether it’s about cheating on your partner or lying about your true feelings, lack of honesty clearly indicates a troublesome relationship. There’s no place for deception and manipulation in a healthy relationship. Trust is the foundation of all relationships and at times it’s even more important than love.
4. Blame game
When two people are in a toxic relationship, they blame each other for their own emotions. There is a lack of accountability and both are constantly reminding the other about things that went wrong in the past. If things that go wrong matter so much, make sure that you resolve them as soon as they happen. There’s no reason to pile up the issues and throw them at your partner all at once, that too when something unrelated is being discussed.
5. Covering up the issues
If someone is covering up their mistakes by showering their partner with gifts or some other gestures instead of working on their own shortcomings, they exhibit a toxic behavior. Don’t sweep your wrong doings under the carpet to keep them a secret. Instead, talk about them and apologize. Take responsibility for your actions and face the consequences. This is how you grow in a relationship.
6. Lack of individual identities
If you are constantly thinking about your partner and can’t even imagine spending a single weekend away from them, you need to read the signs. You must not lose your individual identity in a relationship. Spend some time away from each other and pursue your own goals. Hang out with your respective friends and enjoy your personal space occasionally.
7. Prolonged unhappiness
The prolonged state of unhappiness and dissatisfaction is a sign of being in a toxic relationship. In such cases, people feel gloomy and underappreciated. The relationship fails to create moments of joy or excitement in their life. You may feel low at times but if it goes on for a while, identify the red flags and acknowledge the problem.
8. Controlling behavior
Controlling behavior is another indication of toxicity in a relationship. This is when your partner makes all major decisions to the extent that they start telling you about what’s good and bad for you. They are obsessed with your whereabouts; they check your phone behind your back and are constantly asking you questions. They interfere with your decisions and control your life by telling you what to wear, whom to meet, etc.
9. Inequality
When there is inequality between two people, they can never enjoy a healthy relationship. Both partners should have the same privileges and rights. You can’t expect one to put more effort while letting the other get away with mistakes. Two people are equally responsible for making a relationship strong and stable.
How to deal with a toxic relationship?
Once you have read the signs and identified that you are in a toxic relationship, it’s time to take some corrective action. For this, you may have to either end things or work on the problems. In any case, communication is the key.
If your partner has always been a toxic and controlling person, you will be the one affected by the relationship. Your partner might not even want a change. This clearly means that you must leave and prioritize yourself. Love is not the only thing that binds two people together. Factors like trust, self-esteem, and honesty also play a major role in every relationship.
On the other hand, sometimes, the problem doesn’t lie with the person. It’s important to understand that such signs don’t mean your partner doesn’t love you. A relationship changes over time because of various reasons like boredom or lack of trust. In such a situation, there’s scope to communicate and fix the issues.
Use the following tips to mend your toxic relationship with your partner:
- Discuss your feelings and address the problems
- Work together to correct the problematic behavior
- Spend some time alone and enjoy your personal space
- Learn to apologize and take accountability
- Respect each other’s views
- Openly express for what you stand for