A relationship is a combination of love, trust, understanding and giving each other the space we need to grow as individuals, and quite often, people don't really take that into account when trying to grasp the true meaning of being together. While researchers have explained that being clingy is natural, being described as 'clingy' just leaves a bitter taste in your mouth due to its negative connotation. If you are reading this article, it's probably because you're curious as to whether or not you or your partner falls into the 'clingy' category.
Clingy partners love you, there's no doubt about it, but doesn't it seem like overkill when they keep calling or texting you when you are out with your friends, or even family? It's like they don't want you to have fun without them. It's important to keep in mind that clingy people don't mean to keep you from enjoying yourself, but their insecurities are at the forefront of their mind and their goal is to make themselves feel more secure, even if you are just watching a movie with friends of the same gender. The truth is, if you know someone who has had a clingy partner, you may hear them use words like 'annoying' and 'frustrating' or even 'Irritating'.
So now if you feel that you don't get enough space to do things you want to do, you should read on.
- Your Phone won't stop vibrating - If they call or text you every 5 minutes when you are out or when you aren't not replying, chances are they're insecure about what you're doing, where you are or who you're with. Once in a while, this isn't bad (it's actually great to have someone be concerned), but if this happens every time you're without them, you should talk to them and work through the issue.
- They are jealous - Jealousy (to an extent) is natural, but it has the potential to become very ugly very fast. If it extends to a point where they start doubting you and assuming that you're cheating on them, then chances are they'll never trust you.
- They're your social media judge - Of course when you're in a relationship, you know that you have some limitations to what you should post, but if you have a partner that is stuck analyzing something that happened years ago, then it's time to sit down and have an honest talk with them. Being clingy can also blend into being oppressive, these partners want to be your partner and they want the world to know it. While you may be thinking this doesn't sound like a bad thing, think about how they are telling the world. Do they keep spamming your wall? Or post similar pictures of you two multiple times? Your clingy partner may be borderline oppressive.
- They don't like when you are without them - This is a common and very typical clingy trait. If your partner shows displeasure when you say that you're going out with your friends, or tell you they feel you're happier in the company of someone else, they may have a problem with being too clingy and oppressive. If you or your partner experience a little jealousy or feel insecure from time to time, that is completely normal, and you don't have an issue with being too clingy. While a night out sounded like a great idea to you, for your partner it could mean a night home worrying about whether you are having more fun than you would with them and if so, why?
- They ditched their friends - Did they have a best friend before you two met, but they're no longer in the picture? If so, then there is a good chance they are on the road to getting clingy. According to CEO and co-founder of The Art of Charm (a site created by a team of lifestyle and dating coaches) AJ Harbinger, "Those who are needy in relationships tend to not spend time with their friends, and rather only wish to spend time with their partners."
- They no longer have any interests - Most people who are clingy do away with their interests and hobbies as they get deeper into a relationship. If they are no longer attending their weekly extracurriculars to be with you, you can safely assume that you are their entire world and are going to be attached to your hip (figuratively of course).
- They try not to hurt your feelings - It's great to have someone who is cautious of your feelings, but if they are walking on eggshells and holding back how they feel about your new haircut, just so they don't hurt your feelings, this is someone who believes their opinions have so much weight that it can actually cause a fight and do harm to your relationship. These are the types of people who believe love is always perfect. Partners such as this hold back their true opinions and state of mind on things in a relationship for fear of doing anything at all that could turn their partner away from them.
- You have to convince them of your love - Do they need constant reassurance that you love them? And by constant we mean, CONSTANT. According to Psychologist, Nicole Martinez Psy.D, LCPD "The sad thing is that often, no matter how much the partner gives, it will never be enough to make the [other] partner feel trusting and secure in the relationship." They need verbal assurance that you are going to love them and not leave for any reason whether it be every month, week, day or hour.
If one or more of the above points apply to you and your partner, chances are you have a clingy partner, and you should deal with it sooner than later to make sure the situation doesn't get out of hand; try make them see that while you love them, it is really important for both of you, to have a life outside of the relationship. Good luck!