Cheating hurts!
How far is too far, and what really constitutes cheating? If you're asking yourself this question, you're already in a situation you don't want to be in. If you're confused about the parameters of your relationship, discuss it before making any decisions you can't take back. A betrayal is hard, if not impossible, to get over.
Kelly Campbell, a psychology professor at CSUSB, points out that we shouldn't vilify infidelity. Sexual monogamy is an unusual phenomenon among mammals and seems to be a human invention. It creates a civilized relationship. It sparks investment - which is good for raising future generations. It is not, however, as natural as you would think.
Campbell thinks it's crucial for couples to examine the semantics of cheating. "It's important to know how your partner defines it. Men tend to get more upset about physical infidelity, while women value emotional disclosure. How do you know where the boundary is?"
Why do people stray? The reasons can be neatly sorted into three main categories.
- The unfaithful partner feels dissatisfied with the relationship. Whether from unfulfilling sex or emotional detachment, they look to others to fill the void. Some react out of anger. Others chalk it up to neglect or a lack of commitment from their partner.
- Sometimes, people are just born two-timers. Gender, religious beliefs, or politics play a part, but it's deeper than that. Like any personality trait, these people are prone to infidelity. They have an insatiable urge that cannot be controlled.
- In certain cases, the situation exacerbates the problem. Individuals who don't fall into the previous two categories experience an environmental catalyst that puts them at risk. This happens most commonly in long distance relationships.
Things you may not know about cheaters (but should):
1. Interests
According to research from IllicitEncounter.com, adulterers (at least those who admitted to it) prefer rock 'n' roll to all other types of music. The most harmful social media? Twitter! Those who tweet are more likely to cheat. The shadiest restaurant? Morton's Steakhouse! Noel Biderman, CEO of AshleyMadison.com, offered, "Chain restaurants are larger and less conspicuous. Steak houses are always a popular affair destination since they're … dimly lit."
2. Outward appearance
IllicitEncounter.com also discovered those over 5'10” stray more than their shorter counterparts – possibly due to the confidence they exude. Only 11 percent of black-haired women consider themselves cheaters (blondes are the real culprits), while 63 percent of dark haired men admit to cheating! Another telling sign is the length of their ring finger. Oxford University produced a study that showed a correlation between promiscuity and exposure to higher levels of testosterone in the womb (which causes the ring finger to grow longer than the index).
3. Career
Female teachers and women in the medical profession partake in the most extramarital affairs. They need some attention with a stressful day and the extra hours they put in! When it comes to men, blame it on the IT guy. These techs are good at computers, and they know how to hide the digital signs of two-timing. Men in skilled trades can also hide their infidelity with the help of their irregular schedule.
4. First name
Can a name really tell you about a person? Maybe not, but women sure seem to distrust anyone named Wayne. Other names that make women suspicious include Ryan, Matt, Craig, and Steve. Most of these names belong to celebrity bad boys and pop up in tabloid stories about infidelity. Women associate a single bad experience with that name for a long time.
5. Exaggerated habits
Shopaholics want to look good while deceiving. AshleyMadison.com surveyed women participants and found that two thirds spend more after starting an affair (even going as far as opening a new credit card for those purchases). Certain individuals might showcase the exaggeration in other places – like the bedroom. Adultery will reawaken the sex drive, and cheaters are frisky!
6. Ovulation
It's in the genetics. Doctor Martie Haselton, a researcher at UCLA, explains that "…women [are] most attracted to men other than their primary partner when they [are] in the high fertility phase of the menstrual cycle. That's the day of ovulation and several days beforehand." This is a scientific way of saying women feel sexiest when they're ready to mate; it's a primal itch they need to scratch.
Whatever the reason, relationships require loyalty and truthfulness. Cheaters prefer immediate satisfaction without considering the effect it will have on their partners. Love is consistent; love is complete; you shouldn't need to look elsewhere for gratification. If you have problems, confront them head on. Embrace the preservation of honor rather than the ongoing pursuit. Another person will not liberate you, and there will always be a charming stranger to engage with if you are looking for it.
What does cheating say about you? It says you don't deserve this relationship, and you should let it go.