When people say, "I'm committed to the relationship," they can just mean that they like the relationship and want it to continue. However, commitment is more than just going through the motions. What does commitment really mean? Have you ever really thought about what you're looking for when you say you want a committed relationship?
In the past, things were cut-and-dry. A commitment meant a marriage proposal, along with an engagement ring and a date set for the wedding. Many people would not even consider it an exclusive relationship unless they were officially engaged. However, couples have had long committed relationships without ever being married, so vows don't always have to be part of the commitment. Even if you do get married, is that a guarantee?
Today, things are much different. We know how to love someone without that safety net. What are the necessary steps to maintain this type of relationship? We turned to a relationship expert to explain what commitment means and tips on maintaining a successful relationship.
"I think part of what it means to be committed is giving your word to somebody and keeping your word," said psychologist Dr. James Bray. "When we give our word and keep our word we have integrity, and in order to be committed that's what you have to do."
Bray thinks couples need to have a discussion and come to a clear understanding about what exactly it means when someone says that they are committed. For those who may be afraid to commit, this fear could stem from some earlier life experiences, trauma or always dating the wrong person. It is a good idea to take a look at your past and decide if it's preventing you from moving forward.
"One reason people can be afraid to commit is because they grew up in a divorced home. They don't want to get married and have a divorce themselves. Another reason may be because they were in a hurtful relationship before and they don't want to be committed and have that happen again. It is a good idea to take a look at these kinds of experiences that might be preventing you from being able to make that commitment," Bray said.
More than just commitment contributes to the success of a relationship. Other things that do include:
- Love
- Trust
- Values
- Similar interests
Here are four tips on how to stay committed and maintain your relationship.
- Communicate effectively while staying receptive to your partner's feelings
- Every bad experience can be cancelled out with more than one positive memory
- Resolve conflicts in a way that both people are satisfied, if not happy
- Know what you need to step away and take a moment for yourself